This claim was a fabulous experience!
As the music teacher at our school, there is no way of getting out of participating in the district-wide staff talent show that we affectionately call "Razzle Dazzle." It's a lot of fun, but also requires a lot of commitment for practices and the performance. Well, today after school was the meeting for all the representatives of each school, and as one of the youngest members in our school, I somehow became one of the people in charge of coming up with an act for us to do. So, my colleague and I went to the meeting. Wow, was it a meeting! Two ladies got into a very intense squeeling half-teasing half-serious argument when they found out that both of their schools were doing the same style of dance for their number. When I innocently asked why they couldn't both do it, one of them boisterously stated with a laugh, "Oh no. No. We are out for blood!"
Well, this very vocal lady happens to be the new drama teacher at one of the other middle schools and is a very dramatic, loud, "diva-like" personality. She's African American, had a high ponytail with a flip at the top, huge dazzling silver earrings, and a personality that filled the room. When it came time to leave, she announced that she needed someone to give her a ride home. They seemed to ignore her comment and I shifted my gaze down so that she wouldn't ask me. My coworker asked her where she lived, and when I heard her descrive almost the exact same route I take going home, I thought, "Not me, not me." Not that I disliked her, but I was just feeling lazy and into my selfish mindset of wanting to just do my regular routine and go home and relax. It was a Monday after all!
But then, well, you know.
I was reminded once again of how I'm supposed to be claiming moments like this. So, I looked up and said with a smile, "I can give you a ride home!"
Now this lady is quite the diva, and had to flitter to every office in the building tosay "Hello ya'll!" and spread her cheer through the offices of the service center (including the office of the superintendent). Finally she was ready to go and I found myself asking her all sorts of questions about her life, job, husband... and her telling me all about her exciting story of growing up in NYC and being in Broadway shows and flying back frequently to visit all of her friends who are currently actresses on Broadway. She showed me her professional photos and talked excitedly about her upcoming 50th birthday party. This lady did not look above 35 or 40!!
When I came to a stop at her destination, she asked me something about if I perform/sing outside of school and I was able to mention that my passion is music ministry and that I'm now in my church choir before she animatedly jumped in to share about how she also sings at her church and is known as the choir diva. Then, the cutest thing happend. She got out of my car with flare, thanking me and adding that I was "very sweet" and then, just as she closed the door she put her face up to the window and said with the most sincere, yet embarrassed face, "I'm so sorry that I cursed!"
I drove the whole way home smiling. Even though I hadn't had the chance to say much, the Lord used me to show her His love and a reflection of His character. I will never forget my adventure of driving Miss Diva!
Lesson: if you're willing, God will use you even in the smallest ways
Friday, February 26, 2010
Day 183-186 Claims Amidst the Discouragement
I haven't written in a while.
Can't believe a whole week has passed.
Actually, yes I can; it's been a long one!
Do you ever just feel drained and weary with life?
Things don't go as planned, dreams are broken,
and you're left thinking, "Are things ever going to change?"
I'm sure you've been there.
Although I've found small ways to claim each day the past week,
I don't feel the joy in normally brings.
I'm spiritually drained, fighting discouragement,
and wondering if my love life will ever work out and I'll be happy.
How easy it is to feel sorry for myself!
Lord, get me out of this slump!!!
So... here's a quick recap of the past week:
I apologize in advance for how brief it is.
Day 183
Decided to snuggle into bed two hours early to read a good book and enjoy a slow-paced evening. Thought it'd be like when I was in junior high and would escape into the adventures of a good book during late-night hours (except for this definitely was not going to be "late night" by any means!). The reading didn't last long--I put the book down "briefly" to close my eyes and pray. I woke up two hours later, turned my light off, and rested peacefully.
Lesson: praying in bed will result in sleep!
Day 184
I was reading my Woman's Day magazine today and one suggestion for happiness was to try coloring again. Their reasoning was that there must have been something enjoyable about it if we liked it as a kid. So, when my girl friends came over that night to watch a movie and do crafts, I pulled out a Whinny the Pooh coloring books and 48-pack of bright crayons. I was ready to be inspired! Honestly? It did nothing for me. I was surprised and definitely disappointed. What happend to the magic of so neatly filling in each space with a beautiful, vibrant crayon color?
Lesson: once you grow up, some things just aren't the same
Day 185
Saturday. I love Saturday mornings, especially when I wake up to the sun beaming through my window and the excitement of a day totally free to be filled as I wanted. Today I cranked up the volume of one of my favorite stations--90.0FM out of Glen Ellyn. Jazz!! The music was swingin' and I was happily organizing my house, tidying, etc. An awesome swing song came on and I thought of another happiness suggestion I'd read in Woman's Day--try dancing around your living room just for fun! So I did! And it was great! I didn't worry about closing the blinds--who cares?? I was swinging it up! When I went into the bathroom I finally had to stop bopping around when I was trying to use a curling iron and round brush and dance at the same time. A little too dangerous! Dancing so freely totally put a bounce in my step and set the whole mood for my day. It was a great day off!
Lesson: who said you need a partner to swing dance?!
Day 186
Finally! The Sunday I'd been waiting for--the first session of the Songwriters Group at my church that I decided to join. 6pm in the choir room. Claim? Go, and if the worship pastor asks for volunteers to sing their song for the group, be the first with my hand in the air.
There was at least 30 people there, some song writers, some poets. Almost everyone brought a song or piece to share. I was one of the few that wasn't nervous (my mom was praying for me!), and the only one that brought a song specifically to be critiqued and get help with; an unfinished work. It seemed like everyone else picked their best piece to "wow" us with. I wasn't overly impressed with anyone, although one girl had a beautiful voice. I left disappointed as I didn't learn much. Hopefully it will get more challenging as we go--it was definitely just an introduction to the basics of songwriting. However, it really inspired me to want to write. I went home and the Lord gave me part of another worship song! I just want to glorify Him with the gifts and songs He has given me. Still, Your will, Lord. Your will, not mine.
Lesson: always be teachable
Can't believe a whole week has passed.
Actually, yes I can; it's been a long one!
Do you ever just feel drained and weary with life?
Things don't go as planned, dreams are broken,
and you're left thinking, "Are things ever going to change?"
I'm sure you've been there.
Although I've found small ways to claim each day the past week,
I don't feel the joy in normally brings.
I'm spiritually drained, fighting discouragement,
and wondering if my love life will ever work out and I'll be happy.
How easy it is to feel sorry for myself!
Lord, get me out of this slump!!!
So... here's a quick recap of the past week:
I apologize in advance for how brief it is.
Day 183
Decided to snuggle into bed two hours early to read a good book and enjoy a slow-paced evening. Thought it'd be like when I was in junior high and would escape into the adventures of a good book during late-night hours (except for this definitely was not going to be "late night" by any means!). The reading didn't last long--I put the book down "briefly" to close my eyes and pray. I woke up two hours later, turned my light off, and rested peacefully.
Lesson: praying in bed will result in sleep!
Day 184
I was reading my Woman's Day magazine today and one suggestion for happiness was to try coloring again. Their reasoning was that there must have been something enjoyable about it if we liked it as a kid. So, when my girl friends came over that night to watch a movie and do crafts, I pulled out a Whinny the Pooh coloring books and 48-pack of bright crayons. I was ready to be inspired! Honestly? It did nothing for me. I was surprised and definitely disappointed. What happend to the magic of so neatly filling in each space with a beautiful, vibrant crayon color?
Lesson: once you grow up, some things just aren't the same
Day 185
Saturday. I love Saturday mornings, especially when I wake up to the sun beaming through my window and the excitement of a day totally free to be filled as I wanted. Today I cranked up the volume of one of my favorite stations--90.0FM out of Glen Ellyn. Jazz!! The music was swingin' and I was happily organizing my house, tidying, etc. An awesome swing song came on and I thought of another happiness suggestion I'd read in Woman's Day--try dancing around your living room just for fun! So I did! And it was great! I didn't worry about closing the blinds--who cares?? I was swinging it up! When I went into the bathroom I finally had to stop bopping around when I was trying to use a curling iron and round brush and dance at the same time. A little too dangerous! Dancing so freely totally put a bounce in my step and set the whole mood for my day. It was a great day off!
Lesson: who said you need a partner to swing dance?!
Day 186
Finally! The Sunday I'd been waiting for--the first session of the Songwriters Group at my church that I decided to join. 6pm in the choir room. Claim? Go, and if the worship pastor asks for volunteers to sing their song for the group, be the first with my hand in the air.
There was at least 30 people there, some song writers, some poets. Almost everyone brought a song or piece to share. I was one of the few that wasn't nervous (my mom was praying for me!), and the only one that brought a song specifically to be critiqued and get help with; an unfinished work. It seemed like everyone else picked their best piece to "wow" us with. I wasn't overly impressed with anyone, although one girl had a beautiful voice. I left disappointed as I didn't learn much. Hopefully it will get more challenging as we go--it was definitely just an introduction to the basics of songwriting. However, it really inspired me to want to write. I went home and the Lord gave me part of another worship song! I just want to glorify Him with the gifts and songs He has given me. Still, Your will, Lord. Your will, not mine.
Lesson: always be teachable
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Day 182 A Weary Songwriter
Written Wednesday:
Today's claim was to seize the opportunity of working with that singer from church who agreed to sing through the song I'm writing tonight after choir rehearsal. I spent time tidying up the lyrics on the sheet music so it was easier to read (my rough drafts are always scribbles!) and then typed up and printed out the lyrics for her. I was ready!
I went to church tonight so excited for the worship service that was before choir. I have been feeling so dry, weary, and empty the past three days. Not having much to look forward to has also caused temptation for discouragement and lingering loneliness. When I got to church and started worshipping, I felt the presence of the Lord so strongly--tears began to flow and I could not stop them. Jesus is just so good! I sang and sang and just soaked in His whispers of love.
After choir, a let-down came. The singer didn't stay. Either she forgot or chose to leave, but as I was getting my things together I looked around and saw that she was gone. My heart sank. An opportunity lost and a claim unmet. I walked to my car, feeling discouraged and reminded that I have little to look forward to these days. Can you tell that my perspective is off? I have been under much spiritual attack since Monday! So, I made a new claim--a claim about a claim. I decided to not let the disappointment of this claim feed my weariness. I will NOT let this ruin my night!!
Lesson: choose to look at Jesus--He's the only way through
Today's claim was to seize the opportunity of working with that singer from church who agreed to sing through the song I'm writing tonight after choir rehearsal. I spent time tidying up the lyrics on the sheet music so it was easier to read (my rough drafts are always scribbles!) and then typed up and printed out the lyrics for her. I was ready!
I went to church tonight so excited for the worship service that was before choir. I have been feeling so dry, weary, and empty the past three days. Not having much to look forward to has also caused temptation for discouragement and lingering loneliness. When I got to church and started worshipping, I felt the presence of the Lord so strongly--tears began to flow and I could not stop them. Jesus is just so good! I sang and sang and just soaked in His whispers of love.
After choir, a let-down came. The singer didn't stay. Either she forgot or chose to leave, but as I was getting my things together I looked around and saw that she was gone. My heart sank. An opportunity lost and a claim unmet. I walked to my car, feeling discouraged and reminded that I have little to look forward to these days. Can you tell that my perspective is off? I have been under much spiritual attack since Monday! So, I made a new claim--a claim about a claim. I decided to not let the disappointment of this claim feed my weariness. I will NOT let this ruin my night!!
Lesson: choose to look at Jesus--He's the only way through
Day 180 & 181 Emptiness
Day 180
I fought discouragement and weariness all day.
I was lonely and feeling completely empty.
My mind was foggy; I couldn't think straight.
My perspective on my life was way off;
I felt as though I have nothing to look forward to.
I tried to read my Bible but had a hard time focussing.
Tried doing a million other daily tasks in hopes that ignoring it would make it go away. Anyone who has ever experienced spiritual attack knows that this never works!
Finally I just stopped. Nothing of this world could fill the lingering emptiness, so why was I trying to pretend it would? I claimed a time of worship--pure worship out of a hungering heart for God. I sat down at my piano and as soon as I began to play, the presence of Jesus fell. I started to cry so much that I couldn't even sing. I just played song after song, and Jesus soaked my heart in His love. How easy He made it to come to Him! When I finally brought everything to Him, trusting Him to take it, He met me there.
Lesson: nothing satisfies but Jesus in my life
Day 181
Continued lonelines.
Continued weariness.
I felt like an empty shell,
just going through the motions.
I didn't want to sit home alone that night,
so I decided to reach out for some fellowship.
I think the Lord knew I needed friends that night--
almost everyone was available to hang out!
(last-minute, on a work night!)
We talked, laughed, and played games until after 10pm.
I was so glad I made that first phone call!
Lesson: it's okay to need people
I fought discouragement and weariness all day.
I was lonely and feeling completely empty.
My mind was foggy; I couldn't think straight.
My perspective on my life was way off;
I felt as though I have nothing to look forward to.
I tried to read my Bible but had a hard time focussing.
Tried doing a million other daily tasks in hopes that ignoring it would make it go away. Anyone who has ever experienced spiritual attack knows that this never works!
Finally I just stopped. Nothing of this world could fill the lingering emptiness, so why was I trying to pretend it would? I claimed a time of worship--pure worship out of a hungering heart for God. I sat down at my piano and as soon as I began to play, the presence of Jesus fell. I started to cry so much that I couldn't even sing. I just played song after song, and Jesus soaked my heart in His love. How easy He made it to come to Him! When I finally brought everything to Him, trusting Him to take it, He met me there.
Lesson: nothing satisfies but Jesus in my life
Day 181
Continued lonelines.
Continued weariness.
I felt like an empty shell,
just going through the motions.
I didn't want to sit home alone that night,
so I decided to reach out for some fellowship.
I think the Lord knew I needed friends that night--
almost everyone was available to hang out!
(last-minute, on a work night!)
We talked, laughed, and played games until after 10pm.
I was so glad I made that first phone call!
Lesson: it's okay to need people
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Musings on Love
What is love? I don't understand it.
It is a mystery to me, as described in Proverbs Chapter 30:18 & 19 by the wisest man that ever lived...
"There are three things that are too amazing for me,
four that I do not understand:
the way of an eagle in the sky,
the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a maiden."
I know God to be love. I know of love for one's parents and siblings.
I know love of a best friend, and love and passion for something I do.
But what of love for a man? Romantic love? Marriage love?
What is this kind of love? What should it feel like? Be like?
How do I know when I have found it?
It is a mystery to me, as described in Proverbs Chapter 30:18 & 19 by the wisest man that ever lived...
"There are three things that are too amazing for me,
four that I do not understand:
the way of an eagle in the sky,
the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a maiden."
I know God to be love. I know of love for one's parents and siblings.
I know love of a best friend, and love and passion for something I do.
But what of love for a man? Romantic love? Marriage love?
What is this kind of love? What should it feel like? Be like?
How do I know when I have found it?
Day 178 & 179 Choices
Day 178
Fun "girl time" with my friend who was visiting from Milwaukee. Enjoyed driving in the sunny weather to IKEA and picking out real plants for my apartment. What "life" is brought by a little greenery! Recently decided on a color scheme for my bedroom--time to decorate! Left with a receipt quite a bit higher than anticipated and a tightness in my chest. Claim? RELAX about it. It was $25 more than I estimated, but definitely less than my budget. I had to remind myself of this claim several times throughout the day. (I can feel the tightness returning as I type about it!).
Lesson: stress is a choice
Day 179
There is a singer at my church who I totally respect as a musician. For the past two years, my sister and I have talked about how she is our favorite soloist. She's African American and has the most amazing voice. I have noticed over the past few weeks that she is, to be blunt, rather rude. At practice Wednesday I tried to be friendly. It did not work. This morning I decided to try again.
I approached her and made small talk. She did not even look up from whatever she was writing in her binder. Her answers were short and concise. I ignored it and kept talking. I decided to ask her if she'd be willing to sing through a song Wednesday night after rehearsal that I'm working on writing (she has the voice for it). At first she seemed to think it was a ridiculous idea, and ridiculous that I was even writing songs in the first , place. Again, I didn't react and just kept being friendly. Finally, she seemed to lighten up a little. Once I got done explaining, she agreed. As I walked away she apologized for being distracted with her work, though still no smile came.
I left wondering...What is she going through?
Lesson: change takes time
Fun "girl time" with my friend who was visiting from Milwaukee. Enjoyed driving in the sunny weather to IKEA and picking out real plants for my apartment. What "life" is brought by a little greenery! Recently decided on a color scheme for my bedroom--time to decorate! Left with a receipt quite a bit higher than anticipated and a tightness in my chest. Claim? RELAX about it. It was $25 more than I estimated, but definitely less than my budget. I had to remind myself of this claim several times throughout the day. (I can feel the tightness returning as I type about it!).
Lesson: stress is a choice
Day 179
There is a singer at my church who I totally respect as a musician. For the past two years, my sister and I have talked about how she is our favorite soloist. She's African American and has the most amazing voice. I have noticed over the past few weeks that she is, to be blunt, rather rude. At practice Wednesday I tried to be friendly. It did not work. This morning I decided to try again.
I approached her and made small talk. She did not even look up from whatever she was writing in her binder. Her answers were short and concise. I ignored it and kept talking. I decided to ask her if she'd be willing to sing through a song Wednesday night after rehearsal that I'm working on writing (she has the voice for it). At first she seemed to think it was a ridiculous idea, and ridiculous that I was even writing songs in the first , place. Again, I didn't react and just kept being friendly. Finally, she seemed to lighten up a little. Once I got done explaining, she agreed. As I walked away she apologized for being distracted with her work, though still no smile came.
I left wondering...What is she going through?
Lesson: change takes time
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Day 177 Bad kid Gone Good?!
Written Friday (Day 177):
Today I had an 8th grade boy coming after school for a detention. This boy happens to be one of the "high fliers" for behavior issues at our school. (He was just selected by staff and administration for extreme intervention--1 of 25 from our school population of over 1,000).
His detention with me? Simply consistent gum chewing (it's again school rules). I do have to say, I was completely surprised that this boy was even close to being on that list. I've had him for three weeks, and he's been fine with behavior. Granted, the first two days he did nothing: Said he hated music and didn't want to do anything. When I asked him why, he explained it was because he kept failing everything and having to retake classes. Plus, he's been stuck having music twice a year (instead of just once) due to his class rotation,
which I'm sure is totally frustrating when he doesn't enjoy the subject in the first place!
So, I started working with him, reaching out to help him. I saw immediate progress! When he refused to do the first assignment, I gave him a choice on other things he could do. I ended up providing him with a clean version of a rap by Lil Wayne (his favorite artist) and letting him draw a comic strip about it or Lil Wayne's life. He even took it home after day two to work on it and brought it back--an A!
During today's detention, he came early--he got there before I even got back to my room! I let him do some easy cleaning, and then stuck him with the nasty (but much-needed job) of scrubbing clean my whiteboard. I explained how I don't like things dirty and that I even tried cleaning it that morning (which is true; I just didn't have time to get it all done). I was about to walk away and relax at my desk when I stopped myself. Wasn't the purpose of this detention to keep connecting with him, encouraging him? Would scrubbing the whiteboard really do that? Of course not. So I claimed the moment, saying, "You know what, let's do it together."
So we began scrubbing. And talking. We chatted the whole time. When his time was up I told him he was free to go and that "At least we got part of the board cleaned." Then he said something that shocked me, "That's okay--I'll stay and help you finish it." I couldn't believe it! This kid is volunteering to stay, on a FRIDAY, and help me clean my room? I couldn't stop smiling. He totally made my day!
Lesson: give and it will be returned 100 fold
Today I had an 8th grade boy coming after school for a detention. This boy happens to be one of the "high fliers" for behavior issues at our school. (He was just selected by staff and administration for extreme intervention--1 of 25 from our school population of over 1,000).
His detention with me? Simply consistent gum chewing (it's again school rules). I do have to say, I was completely surprised that this boy was even close to being on that list. I've had him for three weeks, and he's been fine with behavior. Granted, the first two days he did nothing: Said he hated music and didn't want to do anything. When I asked him why, he explained it was because he kept failing everything and having to retake classes. Plus, he's been stuck having music twice a year (instead of just once) due to his class rotation,
which I'm sure is totally frustrating when he doesn't enjoy the subject in the first place!
So, I started working with him, reaching out to help him. I saw immediate progress! When he refused to do the first assignment, I gave him a choice on other things he could do. I ended up providing him with a clean version of a rap by Lil Wayne (his favorite artist) and letting him draw a comic strip about it or Lil Wayne's life. He even took it home after day two to work on it and brought it back--an A!
During today's detention, he came early--he got there before I even got back to my room! I let him do some easy cleaning, and then stuck him with the nasty (but much-needed job) of scrubbing clean my whiteboard. I explained how I don't like things dirty and that I even tried cleaning it that morning (which is true; I just didn't have time to get it all done). I was about to walk away and relax at my desk when I stopped myself. Wasn't the purpose of this detention to keep connecting with him, encouraging him? Would scrubbing the whiteboard really do that? Of course not. So I claimed the moment, saying, "You know what, let's do it together."
So we began scrubbing. And talking. We chatted the whole time. When his time was up I told him he was free to go and that "At least we got part of the board cleaned." Then he said something that shocked me, "That's okay--I'll stay and help you finish it." I couldn't believe it! This kid is volunteering to stay, on a FRIDAY, and help me clean my room? I couldn't stop smiling. He totally made my day!
Lesson: give and it will be returned 100 fold
Day 176 A Surprise Stamped
With Valentine's Day around the corner I had some preparation to do! No, I'm not in a relationship (YES, I would have told you if i was.) This year, I decided to make a point to mail my mom and best friend a Valentine's Day card. It was really fun to think about making someone else smile on this special holiday (I love Valentine's Day!!) and I found myself getting excited and joyful as I read through the cards and tried to pick out the perfect ones to postmark and sending on their way. I kept smiling as I thought about my Mom's smile when she would open the card. As I made my way to the post office, I was surprised at how elated I felt by doing such a small surprise for someone else. Even standing in the long line at the post office had meaning--someone else was going to feel loved!
Lesson: giving a little surprise may bring a joy that surprises us!
P.S. My mom called yesterday (Saturday, Feb. 13th) super excited about the card I sent! I could tell it lifted her spirits. Her smile came right through the phone!!
Lesson: giving a little surprise may bring a joy that surprises us!
P.S. My mom called yesterday (Saturday, Feb. 13th) super excited about the card I sent! I could tell it lifted her spirits. Her smile came right through the phone!!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Day 175 A Second for Sam
There is a janitor at our school named Sam.
Kind, soft spoken, African American, probably in his forties.
When he first started at the beginning of the year,
my heart went out to him because he was always alone.
Mopping alone. Sweeping alone.
I wondered how he felt as people walked on by.
So, at the beginning of the year I introduced myself and chatted a little.
Now, every time I see him he smiles and greets me by name.
The past month or so, I've been too busy to stop and chat;
I just smile "Hi Sam!" as I busily rush by,
always on my way to the copy machine, office...
something "important."
Today I was on such an errand when I came around the corner and saw him, standing there alone with his mop in hand.
My typical greeting and smile lasted only a few seconds,
and my "How are you?" was said in passing.
As I heard him reply, "I'm doing okay" something pulled at me. STOP.
I thought, "Just okay?"
I stopped and walked back to him and chatted about his weekend,
the weather, and a few other small things.
I walked away with a smile.
Lesson: learn to really care about how someone is doing
Kind, soft spoken, African American, probably in his forties.
When he first started at the beginning of the year,
my heart went out to him because he was always alone.
Mopping alone. Sweeping alone.
I wondered how he felt as people walked on by.
So, at the beginning of the year I introduced myself and chatted a little.
Now, every time I see him he smiles and greets me by name.
The past month or so, I've been too busy to stop and chat;
I just smile "Hi Sam!" as I busily rush by,
always on my way to the copy machine, office...
something "important."
Today I was on such an errand when I came around the corner and saw him, standing there alone with his mop in hand.
My typical greeting and smile lasted only a few seconds,
and my "How are you?" was said in passing.
As I heard him reply, "I'm doing okay" something pulled at me. STOP.
I thought, "Just okay?"
I stopped and walked back to him and chatted about his weekend,
the weather, and a few other small things.
I walked away with a smile.
Lesson: learn to really care about how someone is doing
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Day 174 A Risk
Tonight I took a big risk, in more ways than one:
#1) I drove in a blizzard to meet my ex boyfriend for dinner.
#2) I initiated "the conversation" of taking a few weeks to just get space, get healthy, and seek the Lord.
I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow.
Lesson: focus on the step, not the journey
#1) I drove in a blizzard to meet my ex boyfriend for dinner.
#2) I initiated "the conversation" of taking a few weeks to just get space, get healthy, and seek the Lord.
I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow.
Lesson: focus on the step, not the journey
Day 173 On the Edge
Breaking out of the regular routine brings a sense of life.
Living. Freedom.
Tonight I started to get a little lonely and sad...
and I didn't want to be home doing nothing.
So, I called up a girl friend--
an hour later we were at the dinner movie theater ordering pizza
and chatting away while waiting for the movie to start.
I think I had about five heart attacks during it--
this wasn't just a typical action movie.
It was INTENSE.
I remember one moment where I felt like my heart stopped. Literally.
The movie? "Edge of Darkness" starring Mel Gibson.
If you're okay with a lot of blood and surprise attacks, you'd enjoy it.
Me on the otherhand--I almost slept with my nightlight on!
Lesson: a break in the routine is sometimes all we need!
Living. Freedom.
Tonight I started to get a little lonely and sad...
and I didn't want to be home doing nothing.
So, I called up a girl friend--
an hour later we were at the dinner movie theater ordering pizza
and chatting away while waiting for the movie to start.
I think I had about five heart attacks during it--
this wasn't just a typical action movie.
It was INTENSE.
I remember one moment where I felt like my heart stopped. Literally.
The movie? "Edge of Darkness" starring Mel Gibson.
If you're okay with a lot of blood and surprise attacks, you'd enjoy it.
Me on the otherhand--I almost slept with my nightlight on!
Lesson: a break in the routine is sometimes all we need!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Day 172 A "Hum Along"
Today's claim wasn't even a conscious choice. Does it still count? I think so, as the goal of this whole journey is to gradually change my perspective and priorities so that I come to live every day as if I'm claiming even though I am not consciously doing so. Here's what happend:
This morning was my second time singing in the church choir. The music and sermon was so powerful that I left encouraged and uplifted, excited about life and singing one of the worship songs from the service.
On the way home I stopped by the grocery store to grab a few things and found myself humming the worship song as I was walking down an aisle. All of a sudden I stopped--was someone else humming too? I looked down the aisle to see a woman in her mid 50's pushing her cart and humming aloud. As she whizzed by me I thought I recognized the song she was singing, so I instantly stopped her and asked, "Are we humming the same song?! Did we just get out of the same church service??" She said, "Calvary?" I exclaimed, "Yes! I'm in the choir--are you?" Surprised, she replied, "I am!" I couldn't believe it.
I honestly think I can say this is the first time I have run into someone in the suburbs who I have some connection to or that I know, besides a student! What a small world, and what a world to discover through serving at church! We ended up chatting for about ten minutes before saying goodbye and continuing on with our errands. I left with a smile.
Lesson: with consistent choices comes consistent, unconscious behaviors
This morning was my second time singing in the church choir. The music and sermon was so powerful that I left encouraged and uplifted, excited about life and singing one of the worship songs from the service.
On the way home I stopped by the grocery store to grab a few things and found myself humming the worship song as I was walking down an aisle. All of a sudden I stopped--was someone else humming too? I looked down the aisle to see a woman in her mid 50's pushing her cart and humming aloud. As she whizzed by me I thought I recognized the song she was singing, so I instantly stopped her and asked, "Are we humming the same song?! Did we just get out of the same church service??" She said, "Calvary?" I exclaimed, "Yes! I'm in the choir--are you?" Surprised, she replied, "I am!" I couldn't believe it.
I honestly think I can say this is the first time I have run into someone in the suburbs who I have some connection to or that I know, besides a student! What a small world, and what a world to discover through serving at church! We ended up chatting for about ten minutes before saying goodbye and continuing on with our errands. I left with a smile.
Lesson: with consistent choices comes consistent, unconscious behaviors
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Day 170 & 171
Day 170
What do you do on a typical Friday night? By any chance are you like me, where you find that exhaustion from the work week often hinders you from enjoying the night? Does exhaustion ever rob you from attempting to do something fun?
...I had a great weekend planned to go visit friends in Wisconsin and go to a close friend's wedding. Somehow, on the ride home from work my energy level crashed and I thought, "It'd be so nice to just stay in and relax." Snow was starting to fall, and when I called my sister (who was also supposed to go) she said she was worried about the weather, could also use a relaxing night in, and mentioned that we could always go in the morning if we wanted. Temptation set in... I could put on my slippers, I wouldn't have to finish packing or load my car, I could sleep in my own bed... The list would've kept going if I didn't say NO. I knew I needed to claim this night, or lose the night. Which would it be?
The two-hour car ride went quickly and I ended up being so glad we went. We enjoyed Mexican food at a nearby restaurant and then stayed up past midnight reconnecting and catching up. It was so nice to spend time with Kristen--we talked liked old times, before she got married and before I moved away. It reminded me of how important friendships are.
Lesson: don't let friendships drift apart
Day 171
A very simple claim. One of my best friends was meeting us at the wedding and wanted to really dress up (she was to be my "date" as her husband couldn't make it). By "really dress up" I mean fancier than I'd usually go for a wedding. She mentioned that her dress had crinoline, so I decided to pull out one of my newer dresses: an adorable, cherry red, strapless t-length dress with black crinoline underneath. Once I got to Wisconsin I found out that the reception was actually at a fair grounds and I knew I'd be overdressed. And I was. Even my best friend's dress wasn't as fancy. Claim? Instead of being embarrassed by it, enjoy it! For the most part I did, although I must admit there was several times where I had to fight off feeling somewhat self-conscious.
Lesson: learn to be comfortable with who you are!
What do you do on a typical Friday night? By any chance are you like me, where you find that exhaustion from the work week often hinders you from enjoying the night? Does exhaustion ever rob you from attempting to do something fun?
...I had a great weekend planned to go visit friends in Wisconsin and go to a close friend's wedding. Somehow, on the ride home from work my energy level crashed and I thought, "It'd be so nice to just stay in and relax." Snow was starting to fall, and when I called my sister (who was also supposed to go) she said she was worried about the weather, could also use a relaxing night in, and mentioned that we could always go in the morning if we wanted. Temptation set in... I could put on my slippers, I wouldn't have to finish packing or load my car, I could sleep in my own bed... The list would've kept going if I didn't say NO. I knew I needed to claim this night, or lose the night. Which would it be?
The two-hour car ride went quickly and I ended up being so glad we went. We enjoyed Mexican food at a nearby restaurant and then stayed up past midnight reconnecting and catching up. It was so nice to spend time with Kristen--we talked liked old times, before she got married and before I moved away. It reminded me of how important friendships are.
Lesson: don't let friendships drift apart
Day 171
A very simple claim. One of my best friends was meeting us at the wedding and wanted to really dress up (she was to be my "date" as her husband couldn't make it). By "really dress up" I mean fancier than I'd usually go for a wedding. She mentioned that her dress had crinoline, so I decided to pull out one of my newer dresses: an adorable, cherry red, strapless t-length dress with black crinoline underneath. Once I got to Wisconsin I found out that the reception was actually at a fair grounds and I knew I'd be overdressed. And I was. Even my best friend's dress wasn't as fancy. Claim? Instead of being embarrassed by it, enjoy it! For the most part I did, although I must admit there was several times where I had to fight off feeling somewhat self-conscious.
Lesson: learn to be comfortable with who you are!
Day 161-168 A Week at a Glance
If you read my last post "Day 169" you will know the reasons for this less-detailed description of the past week of claims. I am encouarged to find that this journey is bringing me into newness of life. Contentment, happiness, and change hover near.
Day 161
First night of choir practice. BIG event in my life. A door finally opened after three years of prayer. No one there had an comprehension of the mighty move that had just occurred in my life, or the change that it would bring. When I left, sadness caused my heart to sink--I realized I was in experiencing this pivotal moment all alone. No one to celebrate with, being excited with, or praise God with... So I claimed to be okay with that, and to celebrate alone. Except I wasn't alone, because the Lord was there, smiling with me and rejoicing in all that was happening in me. I purchased a strawberry sundae from McDonald's as my celebration, and then savored it and read my Bible. A twinge of sadness lingered, but my mind went to Him.
Lesson: even when we feel alone, He is there.
Day 162
Today I decided to take anothe step of faith and e-mail the worship pastor/choir director to see if he'd meet with me and give me some tips on one of the song I'm currently writing. He'd mentioned that he had been studying gospel music of over 20 years, so I thought that he'd have some great insight. I was so excited to see what God would do. Sure enough, the next day he e-mailed back saying he'd be happy to help and we set up a meeting time for the following Tuesday. I was ecstatic!
Lesson: you'll never know unless you ask
Day 163
Tonight I decided to watch a movie and stay up an hour past my normal bedtime just because I felt like it. I'm not a morning person, so I definitely wouldn't do it all the time, but there was something freeing about not letting my work schedule choose my bedtime for me. I felt like I was back in college, and the next day was fine. I actually think I may have been more chipper about being at work because I felt was enjoying my time outside of it to balance it out.
Lesson: change up your routine; sometimes it's just what you need
Day 164
Friday night! Finally! Sometimes when I'm exhausted I end up just lazing around the house when Friday night finally comes, but then I usually regret it the next day because I feel like I just wasted the only night of the week that I can stay up late. Not tonight. I decided to go to the late-night showing of a movie at Hollywood Palms, a dinner movie theater in the area. Even when I found out that my sister and brother-in-law were going to the same movie at the same theater at 8pm, and I wasn't sure if anyone was going to be able to go with me, I stuck with my decision--I wanted to get OUT and feel like I'd had a night; It was FRIDAY after all! Two friends ended up being able to go with me and we ended up laughing a lot and just enjoying being part of the few people in the theater.
Lesson: make it happen!
Day 165
Living is such a matter of perspective, isn't it? Outlook often affects mood, at least for me. Tonight my perspective was tested. When I got "stuck" in Zion, IL longer than I'd hoped because my sister's car wasn't done being fixed, I had to make a choice: get over it, or get under it. We'd been spending time with my family there all day, holding our adorable new little nephew, and I wanted to turn in early so I'd be awake and in good spirits the next morning (my first morning singing in the church choir). When things didn't go quite as planned, I felt stress and frustration mounting. I just wanted to get home! Very selfish, I know. This whole journey of claiming popped into my head and I knew what I needed to do: let it go. So I did. I made the choice and the frustration lifted. I was able to enjoy the extended time with our family, and for the most part, be genuinely happy.
Lesson: if you're in a bad mood, change your perspective
Day 166
Sunday morning--my first day singing in the choir. Wow, did it feel different than I expected! To be honest, I was actually a little nervous, which was very strange to me (considering that I've been performing since I was eight!). It was such a weird feeling to all of a sudden be on "the other side" of the service and to go from receiving during the church service to serving in the church service. It was encouraging to be a blessing through music, and the presence of the Lord drew me so quickly to Him. Claim? Genuinely worship, even with thousands of people watching, and reach out to the choir members. I met many people and left feeling more connected and closer to the Lord. Highlight? Sharing with a choir member how God miraculously healed my voice/throat in college.
Lesson: remember that it is all just about Jesus anyway
Day 167
The day before meeting with the worship pastor to have him critique my song. I couldn't believe I'd be doing such a thing! Here I am, a nobody, meeting with a musician of a huge church! (By the way, I found out this church has between 5,000 and 7,000 people, not the statistic of 3,000 that I was originally amazed by.) Although I was tired from work, I decided to push myself and do as much as I could to notate the song correctly and neatly, and get as many harmonies as I could figure out, before going to bed that night. I ended up working on the song the whole evening and went to bed excited for tomorrow and proud that I'd put so much effort into it.
Lesson: if you're going to do something, give it your all--it's much more fulfilling!
Day 168
Please don't stop reading when you find out today's claim... Dare I say it? Well, here goes... Today's claim was to actually NOT blog. I know that may sound crazy, but dear reader do you ever feel this way? More burdened by "having" to write than finding freedom in it? That's how I felt today--weighed down with all the claims that I had to find time to type about. I just wanted to enjoy my night. So I did. And it was great.
Lesson: remember the purpose of this journey
Day 161
First night of choir practice. BIG event in my life. A door finally opened after three years of prayer. No one there had an comprehension of the mighty move that had just occurred in my life, or the change that it would bring. When I left, sadness caused my heart to sink--I realized I was in experiencing this pivotal moment all alone. No one to celebrate with, being excited with, or praise God with... So I claimed to be okay with that, and to celebrate alone. Except I wasn't alone, because the Lord was there, smiling with me and rejoicing in all that was happening in me. I purchased a strawberry sundae from McDonald's as my celebration, and then savored it and read my Bible. A twinge of sadness lingered, but my mind went to Him.
Lesson: even when we feel alone, He is there.
Day 162
Today I decided to take anothe step of faith and e-mail the worship pastor/choir director to see if he'd meet with me and give me some tips on one of the song I'm currently writing. He'd mentioned that he had been studying gospel music of over 20 years, so I thought that he'd have some great insight. I was so excited to see what God would do. Sure enough, the next day he e-mailed back saying he'd be happy to help and we set up a meeting time for the following Tuesday. I was ecstatic!
Lesson: you'll never know unless you ask
Day 163
Tonight I decided to watch a movie and stay up an hour past my normal bedtime just because I felt like it. I'm not a morning person, so I definitely wouldn't do it all the time, but there was something freeing about not letting my work schedule choose my bedtime for me. I felt like I was back in college, and the next day was fine. I actually think I may have been more chipper about being at work because I felt was enjoying my time outside of it to balance it out.
Lesson: change up your routine; sometimes it's just what you need
Day 164
Friday night! Finally! Sometimes when I'm exhausted I end up just lazing around the house when Friday night finally comes, but then I usually regret it the next day because I feel like I just wasted the only night of the week that I can stay up late. Not tonight. I decided to go to the late-night showing of a movie at Hollywood Palms, a dinner movie theater in the area. Even when I found out that my sister and brother-in-law were going to the same movie at the same theater at 8pm, and I wasn't sure if anyone was going to be able to go with me, I stuck with my decision--I wanted to get OUT and feel like I'd had a night; It was FRIDAY after all! Two friends ended up being able to go with me and we ended up laughing a lot and just enjoying being part of the few people in the theater.
Lesson: make it happen!
Day 165
Living is such a matter of perspective, isn't it? Outlook often affects mood, at least for me. Tonight my perspective was tested. When I got "stuck" in Zion, IL longer than I'd hoped because my sister's car wasn't done being fixed, I had to make a choice: get over it, or get under it. We'd been spending time with my family there all day, holding our adorable new little nephew, and I wanted to turn in early so I'd be awake and in good spirits the next morning (my first morning singing in the church choir). When things didn't go quite as planned, I felt stress and frustration mounting. I just wanted to get home! Very selfish, I know. This whole journey of claiming popped into my head and I knew what I needed to do: let it go. So I did. I made the choice and the frustration lifted. I was able to enjoy the extended time with our family, and for the most part, be genuinely happy.
Lesson: if you're in a bad mood, change your perspective
Day 166
Sunday morning--my first day singing in the choir. Wow, did it feel different than I expected! To be honest, I was actually a little nervous, which was very strange to me (considering that I've been performing since I was eight!). It was such a weird feeling to all of a sudden be on "the other side" of the service and to go from receiving during the church service to serving in the church service. It was encouraging to be a blessing through music, and the presence of the Lord drew me so quickly to Him. Claim? Genuinely worship, even with thousands of people watching, and reach out to the choir members. I met many people and left feeling more connected and closer to the Lord. Highlight? Sharing with a choir member how God miraculously healed my voice/throat in college.
Lesson: remember that it is all just about Jesus anyway
Day 167
The day before meeting with the worship pastor to have him critique my song. I couldn't believe I'd be doing such a thing! Here I am, a nobody, meeting with a musician of a huge church! (By the way, I found out this church has between 5,000 and 7,000 people, not the statistic of 3,000 that I was originally amazed by.) Although I was tired from work, I decided to push myself and do as much as I could to notate the song correctly and neatly, and get as many harmonies as I could figure out, before going to bed that night. I ended up working on the song the whole evening and went to bed excited for tomorrow and proud that I'd put so much effort into it.
Lesson: if you're going to do something, give it your all--it's much more fulfilling!
Day 168
Please don't stop reading when you find out today's claim... Dare I say it? Well, here goes... Today's claim was to actually NOT blog. I know that may sound crazy, but dear reader do you ever feel this way? More burdened by "having" to write than finding freedom in it? That's how I felt today--weighed down with all the claims that I had to find time to type about. I just wanted to enjoy my night. So I did. And it was great.
Lesson: remember the purpose of this journey
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Day 169 A leap Ahead
Dear Reader,
I am starting to live! It is happening! Can't you tell? I am feeling the pull to be IN my life instead of spending so much time typing about it. Can you believe my claim for yesterday was to actually NOT blog, simply because I wanted to enjoy life instead of staring at a screen? Please don't get me wrong; I love connecting with you, but I'm sure you have felt this at times. Life is too short. Tonight my claim took me to a local nursing home to play bingo with the residents there. Watching them, talking with them, and seeing their season in life caused me to reflect. What do I want to remember, looking back on my life? When it's time to go Home, will I honestly be able to say that I really lived? Will I have redeemed the time? Seized the day? Taken the chance? Given my all? Given up all?
Lesson: a simple prayer: "Jesus, take my life!"
(I will now go back and start giving you the short version of my claims for the past week, Days 161-168. Please be patient as I learn to balance living with writing...)
I am starting to live! It is happening! Can't you tell? I am feeling the pull to be IN my life instead of spending so much time typing about it. Can you believe my claim for yesterday was to actually NOT blog, simply because I wanted to enjoy life instead of staring at a screen? Please don't get me wrong; I love connecting with you, but I'm sure you have felt this at times. Life is too short. Tonight my claim took me to a local nursing home to play bingo with the residents there. Watching them, talking with them, and seeing their season in life caused me to reflect. What do I want to remember, looking back on my life? When it's time to go Home, will I honestly be able to say that I really lived? Will I have redeemed the time? Seized the day? Taken the chance? Given my all? Given up all?
Lesson: a simple prayer: "Jesus, take my life!"
(I will now go back and start giving you the short version of my claims for the past week, Days 161-168. Please be patient as I learn to balance living with writing...)
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