Day 160 Stop for Sanity!

Today I drove home from work heavy and somewhat discouraged.  I had an incounter with a detention student that left me feeling like I failed.  I didn't get through to the boy--there was a moment where it seemed he was listening, but he kept going back to the same disrespectful, snickering grin. There was a brief moment I thought I got in, but then the detention ended with his front again.  There were two moments during the conversation where I just waited, hoping God would nudge me to approach it a certain way.  Nothing.

When he left without remorse and a slightly disrespectful tone, my heart sank.  The whole way home I kept going over the conversation.  "If I would've tried...  Maybe I should have said...  Why did I ask him..."  My spirits were sinking.  I knew I had to claim to just STOP.  To leave it at work--it was done, I had tried, and I had to let it go.

Walking in my door, my mind started turning over it again.  NO.  A few moments peace, until I walked into the bathroom and decided to go from "teacher mode" (my glasses) to "me mode" (my contacts)...  My mind went right back to the topic of work and the boy's face came to mind.  "Maybe tomorrow I could go find him and say..."  STOP.  Finally, the claim succeeded.  I let it go, and sat down at the piano to sing.  It lifted, and was left with a night for me.

Lesson: once it's done, don't mull over it

Day 159 "No" to Gravity

Exhausted from work--the remote control is like gravitational pull. "Just one show" becomes two or three, and then the silence that follows enhances the loneliness within.  So tonight I chose something better.

I dug out my big, thick binder of songs I've written over the years and sat down at the piano to see what I could come up with.  I pulled out half-written songs, smiling at the memories of inspiration and creation.  As I sat with my fingers brushing lightly over the keys, a short phrase and a melody popped into my head.  I started to figure it out on the piano...  and the words came.  I quickly pulled out a pencil and scratched the lyrics and chords down, excited by its newness.  I spent a long time playing through it, working with it, singing it.  I went to bed that night with new inspiration and purpose.

Lesson: sometimes the choice comes before the inspiration

Day 158 North, really?

Have you ever gotten lost when you're already running late?
How is it that red lights greet you when you're on a time crunch?

I'm not much of a football fan (sorry, reader, if you're a die-hard), but tonight I decided to join some friends at a restaraunt to watch the game. When a 25-minute drive passed the 35-minute mark I called my sister to double check directions; sure enough, I'd gone too far!  They'd given me an address from google that didn't include "S." infront of the street name.  Myfaithful GPS was leading me steadily north. It was 6:45pm and the game had started at 6:30pm! Moment of claim.  Give in to frustration or let it go. I turned on some tunes on the radio and forced myself to sing along. The singing was more like humming, as I didn't know the song, but it lifted my grumpy mood. By the time I walked into the restaurant, smiling came without any force. It ended up being a really fun time, and I even enjoyed actually watching some of the game. (Come on player 28--hold onto the football!!)

Lesson: one's mood really is a choice, so get over it!

Day 157 A Simple Solution

Day 157

A relaxing, unplanned Saturday.

How much better does it get?

...until the freedom is accompanied by loneliness...

and gray skies and flurries.

I finally had to make a choice.

What could I do to change my perspective??

I knew what would do the trick!

Soon I was munching on chocolate chips, licking the beaters, and plopping cookie dough on cookie sheets. Taking time to do a favorite hobby from my childhood fixed everything, and when a lonely girl friend wanted to hang out, we ended up enjoying the yummy snack (with milk, of course) together.

Lesson:  remember childhood hobbies

Day 156 Silence Please!

End of the work week! Whew!
After rushing around, isn't silence and stillness wonderfully welcoming?
I had an eyebrow wax scheduled at Mario Tricocci right after work.
As I sat in the spa room waiting for my stylist, I soaked in the silence that filled the candle-lit room. I felt my stress float away...

The stylist greeted me and chatted away as we made our way to a little room. I laid down, relaxation flooding over me. But then the stylist started chatting, making friendly conversation. Talk, or claim this moment of peace? The quiet was a wonderful 15-minute escape to paradise.

Lesson: if you need stillness, take it

Day 154 & 155 Baby Blessing

Day 154
It started out like any other day,
and was interrupted with the most wonderful surprise...  a baby!
I got the text at lunch, rushed around at work to get things ready, and was off to the hospital.  Detour--had to grab the gift and an overnight bag at my apartment. I wasn't even on the road for more than 20 minutes when the phone rang--the baby was here!!  I couldn't believe it!!  I missed it, as did my sister and her husband. Who knew it would only take 5 hours to have one's first baby?  And only 12 minutes once her water broke?
He is a beautiful little ball of cuteness.  Noah Jeffrey Hughes.  First grandchild on either side--he will be a spoiled little one!  Claim? Call in to work and take the next day off to spend it at the hospital with my family; guilt-free and no stress.  THIS is what life is about!

Lesson: treasure those special moments

Day 155
Claim?  LIVE in this moment!  It was wonderful--such a great feeling to know I was prioritizing what was really important.  Holding little Noah was the best feeling!  How could it be so fun to just sit and hold a tiny sleeping baby??  When other relatives started flocking the hospital room and I still hadn't gotten a chance to hold him for more than a few minutes, I made sure to keep my seat in the rocking chair and get a turn before having to leave.  4pm--headed out to miss rush hour traffic, happy that I put people (and this important event) first on my list.

Lesson: people are always most important

Day 153 School Spirit?

As most of my readers know, I am a middle school teacher.  If you know a middle schooler, you know that this means I almost always come home with crazy stories to tell!  Today I came home knowing that I made a difference.  This is what happend...

Today was a half day, and I was one of the teachers chaperoning during the I-SAT pep assembly in the gym(I-SAT is a big upcoming test for middle schoolers) .  One of the teachers in charge of the assembly is a close friend of mine, and as she was emceeing the event, I looked around and noticed that most of the students were bored, distracted, and totally uninspired.  Kids were talking while she was talking, throwing paper wads, hanging on bleacher bars (literally), poking each other, talking back to teachers who were trying to hush them...   It wasn't a pretty sight.  Although it was terribly disrespectful, my heart went out to them and I thought, "These kids need to be inspired!"  "People want to be inspired!"  And then I felt God plop an idea into my heart of exactly what I should say.  I knew I needed to claim the moment.  So inbetween the assemblies (we had three, one for each grade level), I asked her if I could share something during the 8th grade assembly.  She was delighted.

By the 8th grade assembly, even the teachers were getting bored and losing the fight to keep the students quiet.  The assembly droned on.  Three or four times the Assistant Principal had to go up to the microphone and tell the students to be quiet and be respectful.  Somehow, the quiet didn't last long.  At the end of the assembly, over the chattiness of the students, I heard the emcee say that I would be coming up to say a few words.  As soon as she said my name, the students quieted down.  As I walked up to get the microphone from her, the gym fell silent.  All eyes were fastened on me. 

I began to share with them how I have been with them for 6th grade, then 7th grade, and finally 8th grade (this is my 3rd year there, so they will be the first group I'm "sending off" to the high school), and how as I was watching the assembly, I was reminded of a movie:  "The Blind Side."  "Who here has seen this movie?"  Several hands went up.  I began to explain the storyline to them how he came from a difficult life like many of them.  "Do you remember how his father died, and then his mom got evicted?  ...He didn't let it cause him to give up.  He didn't quit.  He got a tutor and worked even harder, didn't he?  He wouldn't have been able to be on the football team if he didn't get good grades...  He wouldn't have reached his dream.  He wouldn't be famous today, and there wouldn't be a movie about his life."  I reminded them how he went into high school not being able to read or write very well, but that he did it, and they could too.  I brought it to a close: "You know, the week of the I-SAT tests there will be things in your life that you can't control.  Maybe something hard will happen at home or with your friends at school.  Remember how he did it?  He still gave it his best, and he chose to not let those things affect him..."  I wished them luck and walked back to my spot as they clapped.  Inside I was elated--I did it!  I seized the moment and made a difference.  There is a purpose for me here!

Lesson:  be ready to seize an opportunity for change 

Days 150-152 The Abridged Version

I do apologize in advance for this keyhole view of the past week.
As mentioned in my post earlier tonight, Day 148 and 149  I've been so busy living I haven't found time to be typing!
That is the goal of this blog afterall, isn't it?  Still, we are on this journey together, and I enjoy sharing it with you and receiving your feedback; thanks for all of the support!

Just so you know, I finished baking all the chocolate chip cookies before my friend Nichole arrived.  And I managed to lick the spatula and beaters and get most of the dishes done before she knocked on my door.  After a fun night of chatting, munching on cookies, and watching a cheezy chick flick, I'm back to finish telling you my recent claims.  So here we go...

Day 150 A Small Gesture

Part of the reason I went to Milwaukee over the weekend was to do wedding planning and pick out bridesmaid dresses with Ashley, a close friend who asked me to be her maid of honor! We shopped successfully and then decided to continue planning over "fine dining" at Olive Garden.  Soup and salad for two, please. When the bill came I decided to claim it.  She smiled brightly at my offer to pay, which of course made me all smiley, and somehow doing that small gesture helped me to feel better (I was still fighting off the stress of that speeding ticket from the night before!).

Lesson: a small gesture can be a bring a big smile to both people involved!

Day 151 Unsocial Shower

Have you ever woken up in an unsocial mood?  That was totally me today!  Still in Milwaukee, I went to visit Ashley and her fiance's church, and let me tell you--I didn't want to talk to anyone.  Normally, I'm bubbly and outgoing.  But today when they wanted to introduce me to several people, I was able to avoid it by using the excuse of having to get to the BIG EVENT: the last baby shower for my brother and his wife.  On the 45-minute drive there I knew what my claim for the day needed to be: change my mood and reach out to people! We (my mom, sister, and I) got to show up for the shower and just enjoy it, as it was being thrown by my sister-in-law's side.  My sister was already feeling social and seemed to want to go chat with people.  I explained my present mood, but went along.  A short time later, after catching up with a girl who I'd met a year before in my brother's wedding, my sister congratulated me for being so social.  When she brought it to my attention, I realized how making the choice to act social really had changed my whole mood.  For the rest of the shower, I enjoyed catching up with acquaintances and meeting new people.

Lesson: sometimes our feelings follow our actions   

Day 152 Gram
Today's claim was to write back to my grandma, affectionately known as "Gram."  As you know, she sent a handwritten letter (scrawled on flower stationery) in response to my Christmas card.  Since I also needed to take my car in for an oil change, I decided to fulfill my claim while waiting for my car to be finished.  I took some elegant daisy stationery with me and wrote her a long response (front and back) filling her in on my life and asking questions about her and grandpa ("grampa") and their love for antiques.  Unfortunately, Dr. Phil was playing on the public T.V. in the lobby and I had a hard time concentrating.  What I'd hoped to be a reflective, reminiscent experience turned into a lesson on disciplining my attention and tuning out the loud, gossipy story on the television.

Lesson: save the letter-writing for home 

Day 148 & 149 So Many Stories to Tell!

As promised, I am here to deliver.
A whole week of claims, of truly living!
I have a friend coming over for dinner and cookies in the oven,

so let's see how much I can type before she gets here!

So last you read about was Day 147 "Singing for the Savior."

Let's start with Day 148 & Day 149:

Day 148

My friend Joanie, from my college days, has been popping into my head lately.  We reconnected two years ago when I decided to go on an adventure and fly to NYC (where she also lives) to visit the guy that I was seeing at the time.  I've been wondering since then how life is going for her and if she did get married (she got engaged while I was visiting her).  Today's claim was to stop the wondering and finally call her.  When she answered, I found out that she was currently in the hospital for an infection in her intestines!  We chatted briefly; she aid she'd call back soon.  It felt great to step out of my life.  It felt even better to pray for her on my drive home.

Lesson: why wonder when you can find out the truth?

Day 149

This was a tough one. It took a lot of discipline,
a lot of biting my tongue, and much control of the mind.

Friday night--the end of a great week,

the start of a fabulous weekend in Milwaukee.

I was zipping along on the interstate,

excited to be on my way,

had just received a phone call,

and then it happend.

I noticed a cop car.  Too late.

In my excitement, I hadn't realized my speed.
Although I was staying with the flow of traffic,

the "flow" was going almost 80 mph, in a 65 speed zone.

I swallowed hard.  Yes, I was right.

He was coming after me.

My heart stopped, and as his lights blinded me,

I did all I could to pull over quickly and gather up some courage.

I was honest.  I was polite.

It didn't matter.
He slapped me with a $250 ticket.
As he handed it to me, the tears started to flow
(silly, I know.)
But you have to understand my personality.
I'm a goody-goody.
I don't like being in trouble, I don't like messing up,
and I definitely don't like forking out money for an honest mistake.

There was nothing I could do.
It was done.
The tears kept coming as I drove away.

The stress mounted---

"How would I pay this?"

My additional income has stopped for 3 months,
out of my control.  Money is tight.

A friend talked me through it,

gave me some perspective.

Claim? Not let this ruin my weekend. And,

not talk to Jill (the friend I was going to visit) about it.

Or even anyone else; no need to throw a pity party!
I was able to compose myself,

rid the tears, and meet Jill for a pizza dinner where we laughed,

chatted, and caught up on life.

Somehow I was able to change my mood and perspective,

and put my attention on her and having a fun Friday night.

Lesson: when it's out of your control, don't stress about it

Hello World

One whole week.
That's how long it has been since I've posted on this blog.
I almost feel guilty.
Shouldn't I be finding time to fill you in?!
Yes.  But then again, I haven't been blogging because I've been too busy living!  ...Isn't that why I started this blog in the first place?

With that said, I'm just stopping in to say Don't give up on me!
I will be back tomorrow to tell you all about the past week of claims.
As for now, I have 30 minutes to "get cute" before going to a piano bar with some girl friends.  I know I need to type away about my life, but right now, I just want to go live it!

Check in tomorrow--I will have many stories for you!

Lesson:  stay in the real world

Day 147 Singing for the Savior

I am so excited!!!
God opened a HUGE door in my life today!
Not just a window, with a little light shining in,
but a door bursting with sunshine and opportunity.

On  Day 110 I wrote about how I took a big step of faith at my church.

And on Day 125  I filled you in on its development.

Today, God opened the door wide open...

Today I met with the head worship leader at my church of 3,000 people.  Claim?  Just be myself and not be nervous!  It was supposed to be just a "get-to-know-you" meeting,
but it turned into an audition where I sang two songs for him,
we sang together and I made up harmony on the spot,

and I did some sight-reading of piano music.

(If you're a musician, you know what all of that means.
If not, just know it means I performed a lot for him so he could judge my skills and talents.)

Now, you need to know that I (and my close friends and family) have been praying for three years that the Lord would open up a door to serve through music ministry again. At today's meeting, I felt the peace of the Lord as I talked and sang. I wasn't nervous at all, which was totally and completely Him. I will never forget the moment that the worship leader asked me so sing "Amazing Grace." We had no music, but he began to play. As soon as I started to sing, I felt the presence of the Lord fall so strongly. And then, I felt it in my body and on my voice and as my voice lifted I thought,
"Wow, I sound good!!" (I knew that it was Jesus blessing that moment). Something happend during that song, I can't even explain it. I just know that it was Jesus opening a door for me.

After I sang and played the piano, the worship leader got serious and told me where he wanted to place me. He said he wanted me to join the choir and that he also wanted to put me on the worship team. When I asked what the difference was, he explained: The worship team is the nine vocalists that stand up front and are mic'd. They help lead all the worship songs.  He also told me that there is a waiting list to be on worship team, and that usually people are required to be committed to the choir for some time before being allowed on the worship team.  Then he said, "But you are very interested in getting involved, you can sing, and you can sing harmony.  I'd like you to start right away...  Can you come to rehearsal tonight?" I was floored!  God didn't open the door just a little bit, but all the way!

I explained that I had another commitment that night but would be available to start next week. I can't believe that I'm going to be singing in front of thousands of people! I am so excited!!  The Lord has a wonderful plan--thank you Jesus for meeting my heart's desire to sing for you!

Lesson: we take the first step and He carries us all the way

Day 146 Mockingbird

Today at school something happend that set me fuming.  A big pet pieve of mine as a teacher is when smart students act "dumb" so that they're not looked at as "uncool" by their peers.  In my seventh grade music class, I have about 20-25 respectful, responsible, smart students and about five that could care less (and act like it).  Somehow throughout the quarter, the negative students started to affect the atmosphere of the classroom.  Little by little, the good kids seemed more and more embarrassed to raise their hands and answer questions freely and did not participate as excitedly.  The change happend so subtly that I didn't realize its impact.  Until today.

We had just started a hip hop unit, and I started out the class with a simple question to get a discussion going: "Why do you think that the hip hop movement started in a big city?" (as opposed to a small town, in the country, etc.)  I had given the students several minutes to prepare their answer and write it down.  When I asked for volunteers, no one raised their hand.  I was totally surprised.  Then, I called on a girl who is always paying attention and an all-around great kid.  She said she didn't know.  I proceeded to go from one student to the next (all ones that I knew would respond well) and they all played the "I'm clueless because I don't want to look uncool" card.  I was so mad, I could feel my face getting red!!  I demanded that everyone put their books and folders in their desks and leave out a piece of paper and pencil; it was pop quiz time.

The students could tell that I was NOT happy--I rarely get upset or raise my voice.  As I gave the quiz, I knew that I should talk with the class about the issue at hand but it also sounded like a lot of work.  It'd be much easier to let it slide by, have the quiz speak for me, and move on.  But then I thought of this whole "claim the moment" goal and knew what I had to do.

They passed their quizzes in.  The room was silent.  As I stood there with my arms crossed, I began to express my concern.  I firmly explained that there are about 25 kids doing an excellent job and getting A's in the class and that they are letting the the kids are failing affect and intimidate them.  "You should never think it is uncool to look smart.  You should never think it is uncool to achieve, to exceed, to do well..."  I followed it with, "You should be very, very ashamed."  As soon as I said it, I could feel the weight come down on their hearts as watched as they lowered their eyes; you could hear a pin drop, the silence was so thick.  That's when I knew that I had succeeded.  I went on to explain why it is good to achieve and do well in school, and then ended by sharing my disappointment in their behavior.

With that, we moved on.  I had the students get out their work for our hip hop unit  and started out with a different question.  Immediately, several hands went up to answer it.  For the rest of the period, more and more hands raised to answer questions as we discussed Eminem's rap, "Mockingbird."  The period ended completely opposite of how it began.

Lesson:  be ready to inspire

  

Day 145 Unclaimed Chocolate Cake

Tonight I opted for a healthy, home-cooked meal and spare change in my pocket.  Living alone, and often being too busy or tired to cook, I rarely pull out the pots and pans to make a tasty dish.  If you live alone, you understand...  It takes 30 minutes to cook, 10 minutes to sit and eat (all alone), and another 30 minutes to clean everything up!  How is that worth it?  When I have the energy, I will try to cook, as we all know it is much healthier than those yummy McDonald's fries or the bulky barbacoa burrito from Chipotle...

So tonight I chose healthy, and I chose to save money by selecting ingredients from my sparce food collection.  I have been eating out way too much, especially since I haven't stocked up on groceries since I came back from visiting my parents over the holidays, and need to get control of my budget!  Well, my claim to eat healthy tonight didn't last long--a friend stopped by with a surprise: a huge, moist, deeply cherished and wonderfully frosted piece of chocolate cake from Portillo's (my first ever).

Heavenly. 
I don't regret it!

(The piece honestly looked exactly like this picture!)

Lesson: Portillo's has the best chocolate cake ever!!

Day 144 Sunny Sleep-in

I woke up this morning to sun streaming through the window... 8:00am. I could go back to sleep for another hour and a half!! ...I stretched, yawned, looked at the clock--11:35am! What?! ....Yes, I read it right. I slept through my alarm and totally missed church!

I couldn't believe it.  I had been looking forward to going, and to trying to introduce myself to the worship leader (as we've been playing phone tag since before Christmas).

I decided that all was not lost, and to not let my disappointment linger (I was definitely bummed that I missed a good opportunity).  So I mustered up the discipline to press into Him instead of into my sadness by praying and reading my Bible.

Funny how true this statement is: "Starting is half the battle." Why is it so hard to get on my knees sometimes? Why does it take a lot of discipline at times to get into my Bible and seek the Lord--talk to Him, learn about Him, let Him take my worries, hurt, burdens, and fear??

He always meets me.  He always fills me.
He always lifts me.  He always pours down His love...

Jesus, help me come to You more!
Lesson: turning your mood around requires turning to Him.

Day 143 Piano Bar!

Saturday.  I was suddenly aware of feeling alone.
Why is loneliness hovering near lately?
I actually claimed a few different moments throughout my day...
It's encouraging to find that my habit is to do this more.


For instance, Saturday is usually my casual day--
my favorite jeans, a hoody, and tennies.

After a week in dress/professional clothes,

nothing feels more like a weekend than this!

But today I had a work party.  The casual mindset was there,

making me feel like staying home and just relaxing.

So I made myself pick out a super cute fashionable outfit and it worked!
I was soon energized and excited about the party!

Also, later that night I was hanging out with my sister and her husband...
We were lazing around and grubby clothes and doing nothing special.

It was after 9:00pm and we started to feel like we should be seizing the night--

Saturday only comes once a week!
So, we finally decided to get out of our grubs and go to Luigi's Piano Bar.
It was a full house and a fabulous band!
We ordered pizza and drinks,
and enjoyed singing along to the songs with the lively crowd.




Lesson:  it may sound like work but once you're there you'll be glad!

Day 142 Unwanted Company

Friday night,
home from the movies with friends.

Sadness started to draw near.
Loneliness...
I wanted to have that one person to call, to just be with.

With the quick company of unwanted loneliness,
I deciphered a plan.

A plan to stop it dead in its tracks.
Did it work?  Immensely.
Plan of attack:
Read through journal entries from the past year,
remind myself of why I am presently doing this singleness thing,
and get my mind back on trusting that God has a plan for me.

Not only did I read, I ended up journaling for some time;
I typed away (I now journal in the style of the digital age),
and wow, did I feel better!

Lesson:  it's powerful reading back on your own words

Day 141 Almost Anonymous!

When I first started this blog, I wasn't exactly sure how this journey was going to go. I didn't know if I'd wake up each day and "claim" what I'd do that day, and then try to make it happen, or if it would be more like a choice in a moment that would turn into a claim.

Does this make sense, or am I talking crazy?
With some reflection, I've realized that the journey started out the first way, but as timed passed, (and I became more conscious of how to really live in a moment), it morphed into the latter.  Side note: I still have a long way to go! ...But, such was today's claim...

We had more snow today.  And more ice. I left my classroom at the middle school where I teach, hurriedly walked down the spiraling staircase, and rushed through the brisk air to my cold, yet lovely, snow-covered silver Honda. I grabbed a scraper and brushed and joined the freezing folk who were getting their own cars ready for the ride home.

Just as I was finishing, I noticed that the car parked next to mine was piled high with snow and ice. Should I scrape it?  Dare I break the barrier and step out into this unknown territory?  "Wouldn't it be such a wonderful surprise to walk out of school and see my own car fully brushed and ready to go??"  I made my decision.

I worked as quickly as I could, wanting to complete the task and drive away before the car's owner saw who did it.  There's something special about anonymous, random acts of kindness!  Just when I thought I was going to make it, I heard a voice calling my name.  I turned around--it was my good friend, Deb, and it was her car!  She kept thanking me and expressing her surprise and appreciation. I think my smile grew even bigger than hers!

Maybe God wanted to give the kindness right back to me?!

Lesson: anonymous is nice, appreciation feels wonderful!

Day 140 A Flute Farewell

Today was the first time a claim didn't make me happy.
I walked away with a tinge of sadness and doubt.
When I was in 4th grade, I joined band as a flute player.
My flute was special, for a beginner player--
we found out after I'd purchased it that it was an open-hole flute.
Playing flute soon became a passion, and continued to be all the way through high school.

I didn't major in it because I hurt my wrists my senior year and couldn't play for a few years.

It has popped into my head a few times to sell my flute

(I have a much nicer, expensive, open-hole flute that I currently play)

but then I'd always hold onto it. 

Did I really want to get rid of my very first one?

Quite an emotional attachment to the "first" of something,

especially something that turned into a passion.

I was going through my closet the other day and decided it was time.

Why hold onto it, even for my future children,

if there are kids with a need for one now?

(I teach in a school where there is a desparate need for supplies.)

Today I walked up to the band room at my school and handed it to the director.

It was an emotional journey for me--

doubt, hesitance, and sadness grew stronger with each step.

I pushed them away.  "No.  I don't need this.  It's just an object.  Someone else needs it more."

I walked away with a small sadness in my heart.

Down the stairway I went, out the back door, across the parkinglot...

And then I told myself, "I will forget all about it in a few days."

I know it will make some child very happy some day!

Lesson: sacrifice does not always feel great in the moment

Day 139 A Moment of Surrender

How about you?
What's your breaking point?

When do you whole-heartedly surrender?

When do you finally let go of the tight grip on your situation?

Who is in control of it?  Who do you want to be in control of it?

Why do I have such difficulty giving up?

Giving up what I think I need/want,

and trusting God to work out my life in His steps, His timeline?

There is a freedom that comes with this type of surrender.

Tonight I reached that breaking point.

No one could fully understand what happend in me, but I felt it.

Some "drama" had happend earlier that night.  Dead-end, closed door.

I went to play volleyball with a friend but came home early--
I needed to COME to Him.

Walked in my door, got on my knees, and put on a CD of "The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir."
God's presence filled my living room, and tears began to flow.

He lifted my burden.  He changed my perspective.
As I talked to Him, He gave me peace.

So what was my claim exactly? To go to Him instead of a person.
To just go to Him and let Him work IN me.
No human can do that.  But Jesus can. The next day,

He covered my heart from pain/sadness and my mind from fear.

I felt Him with me and knew He would order my life and direct my path.  He is now in control!

Lesson: surrender, and He will do the rest

Day 138 A Strolling Stranger

Left work---briskly cold out!
Too torturous to sit and warm-up my car.
Pulled out of the parking lot and onto a main street.
Shivering, I chugged along, encouraging my "baby" to warm up fast.

As I drove away, a woman walking on the sidewalk caught my eye.  She was all bundled up in a red winter coat with brown fluffy fur around the hood, making her way down the block with both hands full of bags of groceries. I remembered the winter my car completely died and I had to ride my bike to work everyday,
(in the wind, snow, ice) and my heart went out to her.

As I drove by, shivering in my car, the thought crossed my mind to pull over and offer her a ride. I kept driving, contemplating.  "Well, my car is still cold..."  and "She'll probably get freaked out..." (I work in a "ghetto" neighborhood...), but then I remembered the "old me."  The me before Illinois. That sounds terrible, but I was always a small-town girl; I grew up and went to college in towns where people waved at you across the street and you could walk to Walmart or Blockbuster in your slippers.

Once I moved here, I quickly realized how everyone is focussed on their own lives, their own tasks, and getting to where they need to by zipping through yellow lights whenever necessary. I now do the same thing, so please don't feel like I am putting down IL residents. But before moving here, I was much more aware of others around me; I wouldn't have had to contemplate so long about picking the woman up.

By the time I decided I should offer her a ride, I was several blocks past her. I had to take one-way streets to get back to the place I saw her, only to see her cross the street and turn the corner.  I followed her. When I rolled down the window and offered her a smile and a ride, she politely smiled and said thank you, but pointed that her house was the second one on the left. She smiled gratefully and called out, "Bless you!  Bless you!" I drove away disappointed I missed the opportunity, but happy I was able to offer kindness. I wish I wouldn't have contemplated the situation so long, but it exposed the change in my heart. I don't want to lose the side of me that's compassionate toward others--the world has too great a need!

Lesson:  be quick to serve

Day 137 A Simple Sanctuary

Sundays are church day for me.
I get excited about worshipping with a huge group of people,
hearing stories of what God is doing in others' lives,
and getting sharpened and encouraged in the Word.

Saturday night, I came home late and exhausted.

Exhausted from a whole week of being up late
(during Christmas break). A small cough was coming on,
and I did NOT want to go back to school with a cold!

So, I claimed the morning just for me and the Lord.  And sleep.

I slept until 11:30am (crazy!!) and then got on my knees before the Lord. How He sees our tears and hears our cries!
My burdens of my current situation with this guy I like were lifted.
Jesus just took it and in its place gave me happiness and peace.
Why don't I come to Him sooner?
Why don't I come to Him more?
He is the LIFE giver.
When I am drained, weary, and feel I can't go on,
as soon as I turn to Him, He picks me up and does it for me.

Thank you, Jesus!
I need  you so!

Lesson: sometimes, time alone with God is more beneficial

Day 136 Crashing a Guys' Night Out

Saturday night. No plans.
Did NOT want to be home alone.
Why is it so hard to be alone after being with people all break?
Sometimes I don't mind it, but all of you singles can probably relate:
being alone on a weekend night can bring loneliness and discouragement.

Just as I was starting to think, "What in the world am I going to do?!"

one of my guy friends called me up.  He invited me and one of my friends to join

him and his friend at Buffalo Wild Wings.  If you're a guy, you probably know why:  UFC.  Ladies, this stands for "Ultimate Fighting Champion." ;)
Of course I could care less about watching men punching each other and rolling around on the ground, but it was really fun to go do something different.  The place was packed, the energy level was high, and the food was great!  My girl friend and I talked about life, the Lord, and her new love interest and had a lot of laughs and encouragement.  The waiter gave us our drinks free, and we had a heart-to-heart with one of our guy friends who is trying to overcome a drug addiction.

I returned home feeling blessed for friendships and reminded of God's faithfulness to me.

Lesson: it's not "crashing" a guys night if you're invited!
 

Christmas Card Follow-Up

As you may know, I was gone most of my break.
Today, I finally tackled all the mail in my mailbox
(Currently, since my Christmas tree is blocking my back door,
I have to tromp through my snowy yard to get to the mailbox on the side of the building).
I carried the bundle of 2-weeks worth of mail inside,
happy to discover many Christmas cards, newsletters, and magazines.

As I opened each letter, my smile grew.
If you remember, I sent out a select few Christmas cards this year,
after almost not finding time again to do it.
See Across the Abyss claim:  Day 126

I was excited to see that my grandma ("Gram") had written me back!
I haven't seen her in over 16 years!
Her hand written letter made me smile,
and a connection to her stirred up within me.
When I got to the closing, she left me with this question:
"Did you know that you have a cousin living in Chicago?"
I couldn't believe it!
You see, my relatives on my dad's side are not close,
geographically or any other way.
I've only met my dad's siblings one time (when I was 12),
and have always wanted relatives close by.
I called my dad right away--he didn't know who it was either.
How neat it will be to find out who it is and hopefully visit them!
I had no idea that sending a simple Christmas card would bring this!

Lesson: when you give, you are given back 100 fold

Day 135 Frustration

Family time.  I love my family,
but we all know that too much time with them can push your buttons.
This morning was one of those times.
My sister and I got in a short argument soon after she "invaded" my room while I was still in bed
(I was sleeping on the living room couch as it was my "bed"
for the night while we were all at my brother's for New Year's Eve...)

The exchange set me in a bad mood and I my day hadn't even started yet!

Claim?  NOT let this ruin my New Year's.

I made myself lay there and pray for her and repent of my mood.

I prayed silently for a while, which helped some, but not entirely.

I knew if I kept praying it'd go a way but I just didn't have the strength.

I didn't want my day to start this way.

So then I tried taking a shower--

the hot water, time to reflect,

and "escape" from everyone helped push me the rest of the way into a good mood.

Lesson: choosing a good mood takes effort, but it is worth the result!

Day 134 Shake it!

My body is soooo sore!

You have no idea.

Every muscle, everywhere...

I could just go sit in a hot tub for hours.

Ahh...  a hot tub...  that would be GREAT.

So, what brought on this crazed, intense physical state?

Today's claim...

I have one word for you:
Zumba!

Even the words sounds zesty!

Have you heard of it?

It's this new form of exercise that uses dance,

and let me tell you it is FUN!

Mambo, cha-cha, salsa,

bachata, hip hop, disco... and more.

Now, I'm a caucasian, Christian girl

who grew up in a town of 2,000...

how much do you think I know how to shake it??!

Not so much.

I was on a drill dance team in high school

(the captain, actually)

but that was way different than all the hip movement

of the Latin dances and the bootie shaking of hip hop.

Honestly, there was some moments during the hip hop dances

where I was thinking, "Should I really be doing this??"

So why did I decide Zumba?

My school district is doing a teacher talent show,

and as the music teacher, I'm all in!

So, the staff at my school thought we should do Zumba at the performance!

If you want to get in shape without the mundane routines,

you have to try this!

I was so proud of myself for getting up early

(on my break I might add)

when I'm not a morning person and didn't fall asleep until 2:30a.m.

the night before due to caffeine from my bowling night out.

Let me just say this: the class was so worth it!

Hot tub, anyone?

Lesson: dance like no one is watching--it's more fun that way!